Why Choosing the Right Agency Matters
Unlike sperm donation, donating eggs is not an in-and-out process (yet one more arena where guys get it easier!). Including medical and psychological screening, a series of self-administered shots to stimulate egg maturation, and the actual egg retrieval, the entire donation process can take four to six months.
That's why it's critical that you feel comfortable with—and cared for by—the staff you work with. "What you're doing is one of the most generous and altruistic things a woman can do for someone else—and you deserve to be treated warmly and kindly," says Nazca Fontes, President of ConceiveAbilities (www.conceiveabilities.com) and herself a former donor.
Absolutely, agrees Marie Davidson, Ph.D., staff psychologist at Fertility Centers of Illinois: "A good agency will advocate for donors," she says. "A good clinic will give them the best care possible."
The problem is, generally speaking, many agencies are run by stay-at-home moms, past recipients of donated eggs or surrogacy relationships, former fertility staffers and corporate entities without a broad knowledge base. "They may have nursing, or the experience of being a fertility patient or an adoption attorney, but beyond a limited scope of expertise, they must outsource much of what is required to run a donor agency," Fontes explains.
This leaves cracks in the process—ones that Fontes is all too aware of. When she donated eggs many years ago, the experience was "less than ideal," she says. And she's not alone: Too often, the compassion and sensitivity is focused on recipients and donors get little or no emotional support. Fontes believes there is a delicate balance that can be struck to support the individuals on both sides of the process.
That's why Fontes has made it a priority that ConceiveAbilities' staffers "do our best to be sensitive to donors' feelings and respectful of their needs and privacy throughout the process," she says.
ConceiveAbilities, further, is set apart by its experience both in terms of how long it's been established (since 1996) and its staff. "There are few agencies that have the level of experience that a decade can bring, nor the staff we offer," Fontes says. "We have former donors and recipients on staff, mental health professionals, social workers and women who have worked within fertility centers and adoption agencies. We are truly about family-building and offer the expertise to work with both sides of the process."
Former egg donor Beth Grisa says she felt supported the entire time she worked with ConceiveAbilities. "I felt really cared about from being interviewed in the beginning to the very end," says the 32-year-old Chicago professional. "All the time I would receive contact from ConceiveAbilities, saying 'you can do it!' I felt like they were my cheerleaders, and my positive morale was a direct result of such overwhelmingly unwavering support."
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