Angel is back with an update in her journey - read more about how she's handling the early stages of a surrogate pregnancy and some of the inevitably unique issues that accompany it!
Hello again! Since I last wrote, two weeks and 2 ultrasounds have come and gone. They showed great growth in the baby I’m carrying. We heard the sweet sound of the heart beat, and I’ve also been released to my OB and am weaning off medications - one of my favorite parts so far.
I’ve also announced via social media that I’m officially pregnant with another couple’s baby! I’ve been open about my journey along the way, but since the transfer I have had people asking if we knew if it worked or not. I was glad to be able to tell them YES! I find myself being more anxious about this pregnancy than my own because there are more people counting on me than just myself. I am so looking forward to getting to the second trimester so I feel like I can breathe a little easier – mentally that is, since physically that’s just going to get worse!
Compliments have been a funny thing. I’ve never been one of those people who can so graciously accept compliments or praise. I will always say thank you but like to quickly move on and take attention off of me. I don’t want to seem conceited, do I? However, I’m also not the kind of person who argues back to find something negative about myself to offset my anxiety about being complimented. Case in point (excuse me while I make up words):
Complimentor: “Your hair looks great today!”
Complimentee : “Oh goodness, this rat’s nest? I barely brushed it today. It looks awful.”
See what I mean? So when I decided to be open about my surrogacy journey from the start, probably much earlier than most other surrogates decide to “go public,” I don’t think I expected the type of positive response I got. Thus, when the compliments and praise of “doing something so selfless for someone else” started coming in, I didn’t know how to respond without sounding like I was tooting my own horn, wearing a shirt that proudly states “You’re right, I AM amazing!”
If I am being completely honest, the choice to be surrogate was a selfish decision for me. I loved being pregnant. Really loved it. So I didn’t see it as this great selfless act and sacrifice…until recently. Last week, we had another ultrasound to check on the baby and I was almost 7 weeks along. I had the opportunity to Skype with the intended fathers during the ultrasound at the clinic as well so I was really excited. They sat in amazement as they were shown their tiny little baby on the screen and even more so when the doctor was able to play the heartbeat for them. It was 118 beats per minute of pure love, joy and hope. The fathers said they will “never forget that sound.” Seeing the father’s faces when they got to really see their tiny baby for the first time in action was also the first time I really felt like I deserved the praise I had been receiving. It really was incredible for me to sit by (well, lie by) and watch them look at their baby and hear its heart beating. In a way, at least to me, I think it made it seem more real. That this was really happening and I have a VIP, front row seat to watch this unfold before them.
So, I’ve realized in this journey that it’s OK toot my own horn, to just say “thank you!” and “I know!” when someone tells me they think what I’m doing is amazing and selfless and all of the other awesome things people have told me. I don’t feel like I’m the only one who deserves that praise though, because it took a lot to make this baby I’m carrying possible – starting with the intended fathers. They had enough hope and desire to build their family that they were brave enough to start this long and sometimes uncertain and daunting process. Throw in an egg donor, a fertility clinic, lawyers, ConceiveAbilities and supportive friends and family and voilà – here I am 7 weeks pregnant with their baby. I am amazing. The fathers are amazing. ConceiveAbilities is amazing. I think I’m lucky just to be a part of it, not needing praise but definitely appreciative of it. So future or current surrogates who might be in the same “I don’t like attention on me” boat, get over it! I mean that in the nicest and most sincere way. Surrogacy is an awesome gift that deserves to be celebrated and you’re invited to the party!
All Things Conceivable is a blog dedicated to sharing the knowledge and expert opinions of the dedicated team at ConceiveAbilities, a Chicago-based egg donation and surrogacy agency.