It's only fitting that I be dressed up in pink after finding out last week that the fathers are expecting a sweet baby GIRL!!!!! I had absolutely no doubt I was carrying a girl before finding out, which is odd since I'm not biologically connected to this sweet princess in any way but must have been picking up on the girl vibe We scheduled an early gender scan as a gift to the dads and were able to Skype with them during the ultrasound. One of the fathers wanted a boy and the other a girl but both said they would obviously be happy with either - they just are thankful for having a baby on the way at all! I just loved loved loved seeing their reaction to reading the words on the ultrasound screen "I'm a girl!" And I love that I can now say "her" and "she" instead of "it."
I'm now into my second trimester (thank goodness!) and 18 weeks along. Baby girl has been very good to me - with very little sickness and other than fatigue in the first trimester, I've felt great in this pregnancy. I have the tiniest little baby bump that I know is going to start working on getting much bigger over the next several weeks and I can't believe I'm almost half way there. It felt like the first trimester crawled by and now the weeks seem to be flying by - which is super exciting because it means the fathers are that much closer to meeting their baby girl and us meeting each other, but then I also feel almost sad about it, too.
This has been such a great experience and it's been no secret that I've said I loved being pregnant, which is one of the many reasons I decided to become a surrogate in the first place. I think the not knowing if this truly is the last time I'll ever carry a baby or not makes me slightly sad but also makes me enjoy each step that much more. I'm still firm in my decision that I want no more children of my own and other people have already asked me if I would be a surrogate again but I don't yet know the answer to that. I would love to, yes, but depending how the rest of this plays out for us (mostly the labor that I still get nervous about) and where I am at in my life later would be the biggest factors. I almost feel like this should be my only surrogacy pregnancy because things have gone so well (so far) and that we were matched with such a perfect couple for us, that I think it would be hard to have such a great experience again. It definitely happens - that surrogates go on to carry again after another surrogacy pregnancy with just as great experiences, but then there are also the ones that may not.
I realize how lucky we are that I got pregnant on the first try, with one baby (as fun as twins are, being pregnant with one is obviously easier!), I've had very little sickness and aside from some bleeding in the early weeks, everything has been going great - for both us and the dads, who we just adore. The fathers and us have such a unique connection that I would be worried I wouldn't find that in another couple either. There's no need to make a decision if I would ever do this again or not now - but it has been asked to me and quite honestly, I don't know how to answer it since I'm not sure I would do it again, but not because of a bad experience - just because it's been so perfect so far - which I've already re-iterated. I’m sure once I give birth and place this sweet baby in her parents’ arms, that I will be pulled to do it again because of how awesome I envision that moment/experience to be. I would love to carry for the same couple if they ever decide to give her a sibling!
The fathers and we are in constant contact, usually through email and they are as involved as they can be from so far away. We've started talking about their visit here, which is exciting and I can't wait to officially meet them in person although we feel like they are family already.
My husband has been amazing. Although I'm now visibly pregnant with someone else's baby, he still makes every effort to tell me how beautiful I am and how great I look, even when I know he's lying. He hasn't made me feel like because this isn't his baby that he doesn't want to be involved. He has been to ultrasounds, talked to the baby through my belly telling her hello and that her daddies can't wait to meet her, rubbed my belly and I know will love to feel her kick when that time comes. It comes from a different place, though, than if we were expecting our own. Although I can't wait to feel her kick, and he's doing the things he would if it were his baby too, we are doing it to show her love until her daddies can take over.
It's not from a place of becoming "attached," which is the second most popular question I get ("Aren't you scared you won't be able to give the baby up?") but rather, just love and excitement for the dads. And to answer the above question, no, we aren't worried at all about "giving her up" because she's not ours to have to start with, which we know and knew going into this. I'm so excited about having her daddies hold her and take care of her once she's here (Hey, we don't have to get up every 2 hours or change the diapers!) and how happy she is going to make them. I just don't have the baby fever to have one of my own - which I think is crucial, because if I went into this even thinking I might want another baby, it might be more difficult. But I don't. I like my sleep, I love focusing on one child and I love not feeling pulled to divide my attention between more than one kid - but kudos to you parents of 2+. I'm just not cut out to be a mommy of more than one and I know it.
Anyway, that's just a little update on where we are now. I truly continue to appreciate all of the awesome things that you all say and write to me. It really does mean a lot and I'm so very lucky to have such accepting and amazing friends and family. It really makes all the difference in the world and I can't wait to share more as the due date gets closer and even how big I'll be getting. So if anyone has any greasy pizza, send it my way. I'm not trying to prep for swimsuit season or anything. I'll worry about that next year!
All Things Conceivable is a blog dedicated to sharing the knowledge and expert opinions of the dedicated team at ConceiveAbilities, a Chicago-based egg donation and surrogacy agency.