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All Things Conceivable Blog

Angel's Journey - Surrogacy Q&A Part 2

June 26th, 2014 Category: Surrogacy
Angel

Check out part 1 of the 10 most frequently asked questions about surrogacy!

6) Q: Are the fathers coming here for the birth?

A: Yes! They will be here a few weeks before my expected due date (in case she decides to debut early!) and will stay here in this area for a week or so after the birth. They will still be in the U.S for several more weeks, preparing to take her back to Spain and getting legal documents to leave the country with her.

7) Q: Do you think you'll have a hard time giving up the baby?

A: Honestly, no. She's not mine to give up. She is in no way biologically related to me and I knew that going into this. Sure, I care for her and love her as if she were my own until her daddies can take over that task. I think there may be feelings I don't anticipate having but I am definitely not worried about "giving her up." I know once she's here and I see the looks on her fathers' faces, that will be the highlight of this whole experience for me. Also, I don't want another baby! I can't imagine having to start all over again and as a surrogate, I really get to concentrate on just being pregnant and enjoying it and not have to worry about picking a name, getting a nursery ready, buying new baby stuff, etc. I just don't have that "baby itch" and I think that's also why this was something I really wanted to do at this point in my life.

8) Q: Will you be a surrogate again?

A: Honestly, I don't know yet. I would love to, yes. But it is a huge commitment that takes a lot of time, effort, energy, physical sacrifice and hope on both parts of the parents and surrogate. If the time were right and the fathers I'm working with now wanted a sibling, or if I was matched with another couple who I had a relationship comparable to the one I have with these fathers (which would be very hard to match since I just adore them), I would definitely consider it and be open to the idea.

9) Q: Is this your baby at all?

A: As I said above, no. The egg used was not my own and the fathers will be on the birth certificate from the time she's born, which is great because Illinois is one of the most surrogacy friendly states there is. The fathers are recognized as her parents from the beginning. Surrogacy is illegal or not recognized in some states – meaning that the intended parents have to essentially adopt their own baby. That is not the case in this instance which makes working with the agency that I do all the more great.

10) Q: Last but not least – Are you getting paid for this?

A: While I won't go into details, I will say that any compensation for acting as a surrogate mother is most definitely not the reason I decided to pursue this journey, not is it for any of the other surrogates I've come to know. While I'm not minimizing the financial sacrifice intended parents make to build their family, I can't believe any surrogate does this for money alone because of how much is involved, physically and mentally. The process I described above is just the tip of the iceberg about what surrogates have to go through before even hopefully getting pregnant, and then being pregnant and willing to give up your body and life for 10+ months for a child that you aren't taking home. I don't mind the question because I know it's just curiosity, but I don't want potential compensation to overshadow the real reasons that surrogates do this for families. I will say that while I'm very humbled by the praise I've received from my amazing friends and family, I am not shy to give these other women all the praise in the world. Surrogates have to go through the same pregnancy concerns as any other pregnant woman – failed transfers, miscarriage, extreme sickness, complications, bed rest, etc. but I feel they always remain so positive and rooted in why they are doing this, even when the going gets really tough.

 

So there you go. There's pretty much no question I won't answer (that doesn't breach any confidentiality for the parents) and am fine with being so open about this process because I think there can be a lot of misconception about surrogacy. If it means helping a woman become a surrogate or learning about surrogacy to build their family, then it's worth being an open book!

You can find even more answers to your questions about becoming a surrogate mother here.

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