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Being a Surrogate for a Gay Couple: An Interview with ConceiveAbilities Surrogate, Stacie

August 1st, 2019
Being a Surrogate for a Gay Couple: An Interview with ConceiveAbilities Surrogate, Stacie

Introduction

ConceiveAbilities Surrogate, Stacie is a married mother of two from Pennsylvania. She carried and delivered twins as a surrogate for gay dads in December of 2018.

Stacie was matched with her intended fathers (IFs) through the use of ConceiveAbilities’ Matching Matters methodology at the start of their journey. This precise system of matching takes the preferences of both parties, as well as many other relevant variables, into consideration. We asked Stacie to tell us a bit about her experience carrying for her intended fathers and we are very grateful to her for finding time to share her responses with us.

Stacie’s Interview

1.) How would you describe yourself?

Stacie: Fun, full of life, compassionate, always on the go.

2.) What are your favorite things to do?

Stacie: I enjoy playing with my children, camping, hiking, reading, cooking, and relaxing! I wish I had time to read more often, but those are all of my favorite things.

3.) In your application you wrote that you wanted to pursue surrogacy because you would “like to give another family the chance to experience parenthood; especially a family who has been trying so hard to have one of their own." Is that about right?

Stacie: That is correct. Our journey went a bit differently. My IFs already had a daughter, so we helped them finish their family.

4.) When did the suggestion that you carry for a same sex couple first come up?

Stacie: Alicia (one of ConceiveAbilities' Matching Experts) asked my husband and I about the idea when we first had our initial screening at the ConceiveAbilities’ Chicago office.

5.) Did you have any hesitations about the idea?

Stacie: Zero hesitations.

6.) Did your husband have any hesitations about your becoming a surrogate?

Stacie: He is the one who gave me the final push to pursue it.

7.) Did your husband have any hesitations about your becoming a surrogate or about carrying for same sex couple?

Stacie: Zero hesitations.

8.) What was your match meeting like?

Stacie: It went well! Only one of the dads spoke English, so there was a bit of a barrier, but I knew right away I wanted to match with them.

9.) What were your first impressions of your IPs?

Stacie: They were very sweet. I could see the excitement in their eyes to get the process going.

10.) How do you think carrying for a same-sex couple is different than carrying for a heterosexual couple or a single IP?

Stacie: I think our journey was different than a heterosexual couple in that there was only one way to ever get a baby of their own, through surrogacy. A heterosexual couple in most cases had some failed attempts of their own which I can only imagine is heartbreaking. Surrogacy is their last option.

11.) Were your extended family and friends supportive of your journey? Were there any negative comments?

Stacie: There were a few people in my family that were hesitant to accepting the idea. My sisters were excited and 100% supportive from day one. The rest of them came around when they met the IF's at 20 weeks.

12.) Was your hospital respectful and professional about the surrogacy delivery?

Stacie: The hospital tour did not go as we anticipated. The manager of the maternity floor was less than accepting of the situation and we were very nervous what delivery day would be like. I spoke to many doctors and staff after that tour about my concerns. I'm not certain if my following up was what did the trick but our delivery was perfect and the hospital accommodated all of us just as we were hoping they would.

(We have an upcoming blog post dedicated entirely to how Stacie’s hospital tour did not go as she expected and what you can do if your hospital tour or interaction with hospital staff takes an unexpected turn. Please stay tuned.)

13.) Has carrying for a gay couple impacted your life in any particular way?

Stacie: They helped me reach a goal I had always wanted to in my life. I carried twins! For an awesome same-sex couple! From another country! Not many people can say that. They are beautiful people and I truly hope we stay in contact for many years to come and I can eventually visit them in Spain.

14.) Any particular memories about delivery day?

Stacie: Seeing the joy in their faces when they brought the babies into my room after recovery. Also the wow-factor at how big the twins were-- that was fun. I know they felt big in there but over 13lbs of baby is a lot!

15.) Were the Dads in the room for the birth?

Stacie: I had a C-section. There was a room attached where the babies are taken immediately to get vitals and cleaned up. The dads were waiting in that room and one of them was able to watch if he chose to.

ConceiveAbilities - Being a Surrogate for a Gay Couple

16.) Are you still in touch with your IPs and surrotwins? How often do you get updates?

Stacie: They send me pictures every few weeks. And I check in on the 19th each month.

17.) What should a woman who is considering carrying for a same sex couple keep in mind?

Stacie: There are some obvious things that come with pregnancy that you assume everyone just knows. I would giggle throughout the 9 months at some stuff they had no idea about. For example, I sent them a picture of the pregnancy test that they asked me to take after transfer. It was positive, I sent them a picture of it. The response back was similar to "not sure if that's good or bad”.

ConceiveAbilities - Being a Surrogate for a Gay Couple

How to become a surrogate for a gay couple

If you find yourself inspired by Stacie’s journey and would like to carry for same sex dads, the first step is to apply to our surrogacy program here. Feel free to mention on your application that you are excited to carry for a gay couple or a single member of LGBT community. Our matching experts will take this preference, along with many others into consideration before presenting you with a possible match.

We hear from many of our surrogates that carrying for a gay couple provides them not only the opportunity to help a deserving couple who will make wonderful parents but it also is a chance to show support of the LGBT community and the advancement of family equality.

Written by Jesse Fiest
Jesse has been in awe of the gestational surrogacy community since first joining the ConceiveAbilities team, back in 2015. She enjoys creating content relevant to third party reproduction whenever the opportunity arises and is thrilled to be a member of RESOLVE, the national infertility association.*