Mother’s Day is a bittersweet celebration in the world of infertility. It’s a chance to honor the women who have kissed our owwies, coached us in soccer, patiently explained fractions, and taught us to be strong, self-sufficient women. For someone who is struggling to build a family, it’s a reminder of the role they so desperately want. And relying on someone else to help them get there can be especially challenging.
It’s an interesting juxtaposition for a surrogate mother - someone who has already worn the title “Mom” - to now serve in this way for someone else. Is there a more powerful gift one woman can give to another than motherhood?
Kristina, who has been a surrogate before, recognizes this. “While each pregnancy of our own is wanted, it’s even more intense when you are trying to achieve one for someone else.”
For a woman who has received hugs and cards and breakfast in bed from her own little ones, it can be difficult to imagine life any other way.
“I watched so many friends and family struggle with infertility and infant loss, which is what brought me to surrogacy and of course made me grateful for my own children,” says Holly, who is currently pregnant with twins for her Intended Parents. “I hear so many stories about people who want nothing more than they want a baby; they suffer so much loss, yet they are desperate for a child.”
The relationship she’s developed with the couple she’s carrying for has had an even more profound impact on the previous struggles she’s witnessed.
“To watch the entire IVF process, which I see as a miracle now more than ever, result in a baby or sometimes two, gives me so much perspective,” she says. “Now, I look at my boys and how wonderful and perfect they are, and to think of other parents finally getting to experience that makes me so happy.”
“I view it as an honor,” Kristina explains. Being a surrogate “brought such a sense of pride and completion to my personal views regarding motherhood.”
The gift she’s giving this Mother’s Day is not lost on Holly either, and she acknowledges how it’s impacted her own identity as a mom.
“My love for my children deeper thanks to this new-found perspective,” she explains. “My gratitude for them multiplies, along with my gratitude for the ability to give that feeling to another set of parents.I am so grateful for this experience, and I’m grateful for what I hope it will also teach my children, my family, and my friends.”
And as a woman? “I know I learn more and more about myself with each step in the process.”
All Things Conceivable is a blog dedicated to sharing the knowledge and expert opinions of the dedicated team at ConceiveAbilities, a Chicago-based egg donation and surrogacy agency.