Being a Surrogate Mother for a Gay Couple: An Interview with ConceiveAbilities Surrogate, Natalia

Meet Natalia

ConceiveAbilities Surrogate, Natalia lives in Kansas with her husband and two children. She describes herself as a quiet person, who doesn't necessarily talk a lot but who likes to help whenever she can. She enjoys Zumba, watching documentaries, and is hooked on several Netflix and Hulu series.

In April of 2019 Natalia delivered boy / girl twins for her Spanish Intended Fathers (IFs) as a gestational carrier. We asked if she would be willing to answer a few questions about her journey and what it was like to carry for her IFs. She graciously provided the below responses.

1.) Have you always know that you wanted to be a surrogate?

Yes. Right after my husband and I first started dating I told him about my plans of being a surrogate, and of course he thought I was crazy and I was just playing. 12 years later, after we married and had our own children, I told him that I was ready but that I just needed to lose a few pounds before being completely ready, lol. And now my dream has come true and I have also made IFs’ dream a reality, so that is pretty awesome.

2.) When did the suggestion that you carry for a same sex couple first come up?

Two weeks after ConceiveAbilities told me they were creating my profile, I was told that a couple from Spain was interested and wanted to meet via video call.

3.) Did you have any hesitations about the idea?

No. I was very happy and excited. I thought, “well I have one of the best dads in the whole world. Wouldn't be awesome to have TWO?”

4.) Did your husband have any hesitations about your becoming a surrogate?

His only concern was morning sickness, since I had bad morning sickness with my first son.

5.) Did your husband have any hesitations about your becoming a carrier for a same sex couple?

In the beginning, before we met our IFs, my husband was worried about what his family or people at church might think. But after we met my IFs and talked with them on that first video call, my husband’s initial concerns were totally gone and he was on-board and excited.

6.) What was your match meeting like?

It was awesome. Their story, their hobbies…we had so many things in common. I love that we all speak Spanish, we like the same type of music, same movies, TV series, and also food.

7.) What were your first impressions of your IPs?

That they deserved it. They deserve to have a family. They deserve to have kids.

8.) How do you think carrying for a same-sex couple is different than carrying for a heterosexual couple or a single IP?

I think is different because they really had no idea about pregnancy, symptoms or signs or cravings. They were so cute and so sweet, my IFs were worried about me all the time. If I had a headache or morning sickness they were always supportive. I never doubted how important I was to them. And because really they have no other choice to have a baby I think that makes them so grateful for surrogates.

9.) Were your IFs hoping for twins?

They were hoping for a baby, they knew chances of twins were higher, but they were also scared of the transfer not working.

10.) Were your extended family and friends supportive of your journey? Did you receive any negative comments?

My family was very supportive, my parents were super happy and curious. Still to this day, every time I talk to my dad (my parents live in Mexico) the first thing he does is ask about my kids and right after he always asks about the twins, “how are your other babies?” My three sisters love the twins and the IFs, we are all like a big family, we all connected through Facebook. I did receive negative comments from one person at church (I am Catholic), but more about doing IVF. My husband's family was not supportive. They just didn't like risking my health but that's ok. They just deleted the whole surrogacy journey from their mind I guess...like it never happened.

11.) Was your delivery hospital respectful and professional about the surrogacy delivery?

Mostly. There was a nurse who tried to make me sign a paper, consent for vaccinations for the twins. I told her telling several times that “I am not the mother, you need to find their dads, I am not signing anything.” But all the other nurses and healthcare providers were awesome.

12.) Has carrying for a gay couple impacted your life in any particular way?

Yes, I have more knowledge about the discrimination they suffer, about how they need to fight for all their rights. It is sad how everything is more complicated for them and it is not fair.

13.) Any particular memories about the pregnancy or delivery are you are open to sharing?

The first time I saw the twins, I felt so happy, so excited about their family, I thought about how lucky they are to be so loved.

14.) Were the Dads in the room for the birth?

No, because I had a C-section and only one person can come in the OR so my husband was with me.

15.) Are you still in touch with your IPs and surrobabies? How often do you get updates?

Yes, we are connected through the WhatsApp app and we also communicate on Facebook. We talk at least once a week. We share pictures of what we are doing, food, and of course our kids.

16.) What do you think a woman who is considering carrying for a same-sex couple keep in mind?

Keep in mind that they will love you forever, they will become your family, they will be forever grateful. And you will love them back.

17.) Anything else you would like to add about the journey?

Yes. My IFs are excellent dads, I knew they would be even before the delivery. I bought some belly buds for the fathers to record messages for the babies, and each story they recorded was so touching and so wonderful to listen to. After the delivery we spent every day together until the day they had to go to Chicago to do some paperwork before returning to Spain. I saw how they took care of the babies, how the twins were on a schedule. I wondered how they did that. I remember not having a scheduled with one baby…LOL. I got to see how they made decisions related to the babies after talking to each other. It was awesome to be a part of.

The Intended Parents' Perspective

We could not help ourselves. After how sweetly Natalia spoke about her relationship with her IPs we had to reach out and ask for a quote from their perspective. We asked about both Natalia and their surrogacy journey, and their response did not disappoint. They shared: "We are so happy and thankful for having the two most beautiful and fulfilling experiences in our lives: becoming parents and gaining a new family in America."

Many thanks to Natalia for sharing her story with us. Thank you to the IPs for providing the quote and sharing their family photo with us.

At the beginning of the interview Natalia jokes that she had to lose a few pounds before becoming a surrogate. BMI is an important consideration for surrogates. ConceiveAbilities requires applicants to have a BMI between 18-32 for acceptance into our surrogacy program. Learn more about our surrogate requirements on our website.

Although ConceiveAbilities cannot guarantee that all of the matches we bring together will have the same taste in music, as was the case with Natalia and her IFs, matching is our specialty and our Matching Matters process provides the best possible match for the smoothest and most fulfilling journey possible.

Written by Jesse Fiest
Jesse has been in awe of the gestational surrogacy community since first joining the ConceiveAbilities team, back in 2015. She enjoys creating content relevant to third party reproduction whenever the opportunity arises and is thrilled to be a member of RESOLVE, the national infertility association.