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My Wife Is a Surrogate: An Interview with Scott

December 2nd, 2019
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Surrogacy from the surrogate's husband's perspective

When Scott’s wife Amanda let him know that she was considering surrogacy, he admits that he “didn’t really know it was a thing” to become a surrogate. Despite his initial lack of knowledge about the journey his wife was about to embark on, Scott had no hesitations about supporting Amanda (and their two biological children) throughout her pregnancy. In fact, their experience was so fulfilling that Amanda began her second surrogacy journey, with the same intended parents, less than a year after giving birth to her first surrobaby! From the outside, it can be easy to overlook the immense personal involvement that spouses or partners of surrogates take on when they commit to providing their support every step of the way. The saying “it takes a village” is usually used in the context of raising a child, but we believe the same is true when it comes to supporting our amazing surrogates.

Scott, an instrumentation technician at a nuclear power plant by day, graciously spent some time to share his perspective on Amanda’s surrogacy journey. From how he became educated on what surrogacy really is to what he now sees as a positively life changing journey for his whole family, we are so glad to share his experience as a husband to a surrogate mother.

Starting the journey

Question: What do you like to do for fun/hobbies?

Answer: I like to golf, watch football, go to baseball games, travel, play games with the kids, [and] hang out with the family.

Q: How old are your two beautiful children now? Do you think your kids know how awesome their mom is?

A: Kennedy just turned 10 last week and Reid is 8, he will be 9 in December. [And] I think they do, they both brag to their friends and classmates. Especially Kennedy, the first journey she went around telling everyone her mom was having a baby for someone else. They also both watched her go through all the shots and know how much work it took.

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Q: When did you first hear about Amanda’s desire to become a surrogate?

A: Shortly after we knew we were done having any more kids of our own, Amanda brought it up. I knew she enjoyed being pregnant, but we didn’t want any more kids of our own.

Q: What was your first thought when you heard the idea? Did you have any hesitations?

A: When she first mentioned it, I didn’t really know it was a thing. [...] At first I didn’t understand the process and how she wouldn’t be biologically related until she explained it. After that I was all good!

The Husband's role in surrogacy

Q: Husbands/ partners are involved in the process more than most folks might assume. Can you provide a quick rundown of your direct involvement, specifically the psychological testing and medical workups (if you had to do this)?

A: I remember Amanda and I sitting down with Alicia for the psychological part, all that went fine, it felt like a normal conversation. I didn’t need to go to the medical work up, just lab work locally. I helped Amanda by giving her her shots when needed and just supporting her however I could.

Q: Did you attend the embryo transfer with Amanda? If so, can you tell me a bit about that experience from your perspective?

A: I went to the transfer with her for the first journey, her mom went with her the second journey. It happened really fast - it seemed like we waited in the clinic room for a long time, and then [the transfer] went really fast. It was cool to be able to see the embryos on the screen.

Q: How were Amanda's surrogacy pregnancies different (for you) from her pregnancies with your own children?

A: We didn’t have to prep our house for a baby, so we got to focus more on enjoying the pregnancy and hanging out with the guys.

Q: How were Amanda's surrogacy pregnancies similar (for you) from her pregnancies with your own children?

A: She didn’t get morning sickness [with either type of pregnancy] and handles the pregnancies pretty well.

Q: Did you become friends with your IPs? Around where in the process did that happen (if it did)?

A: I would say we became friends. I would say this probably really happened when they came to Chicago a few weeks before the pregnancies and we got to spend a lot of time together […] We had a group chat with the four of us on WhatsApp. All four of us messaged quite often throughout the pregnancies.

Q: What was it like to watch your IPs become fathers?

A: I think it was emotional in the delivery room, it reminded me of when I became a dad for the first time. I was happy for them.

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The lasting impact of surrogacy on family

Q: Are you proud of what your family (but mostly Amanda!) has done for your IPs?

A: Yes, I’m very proud of Amanda. There are not many women who could do what she did. I’m also proud of my kids for treating Camila and Gaspar like siblings and welcoming the guys into our family.

Q: What effect have Amanda’s surrogacy journeys had on your family?

A: We’ve gained a whole new family! We hope to always stay close to the guys and the kids. I think the surrogacy has opened my kids’ eyes to see that families come in all different forms and are created in all different ways.

Q: What do you wish people understood about surrogacy?

A: It’s a cool journey to helping people complete their families.

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Q: Any advice for men whose wives are considering surrogacy? Anything else you’d like to add?

A: Support your wife. It really wasn’t a sacrifice for me, she did all the hard work. Thanks for giving my wife the opportunity of fulfilling her dream of being a surrogate!

We can’t thank Scott enough for sharing his family’s story with us. ConceiveAbilities is proud to provide unparalleled support and resources to all of our surrogates and their families, and we are grateful for partners like Scott who mirror our commitment to our surrogates throughout their journeys. Contact us for more information about how we support our surrogates every step of the way.