So, you are considering becoming a gestational surrogate but are wondering if your marital status of single or divorced will prevent your acceptance into a reputable program. Fear not, your single (or divorced) status is not an eliminating factor. Single women can absolutely become surrogates and are very much encouraged to apply. As a responsible single mother, you likely already have a strong support system in place. As is the case with many single applicants, the relationships, arrangements, and networks which support your family’s regular routine can likely be relied upon throughout your journey as a surrogate. At ConceiveAbilities (and likely other reputable agencies), your marital status is less important than the overall stability of your life and your established support system.
Reputable agencies have many requirements for acceptance into their surrogacy program. While a status of “married” is not required, we do want to be clear that ConceiveAbilities does not accept applicants who are legally, officially, or unofficially “separated.” If you are in the middle of an adjustment to your marital status or are very recently divorced, now is likely not the right time to begin a surrogacy journey. Our acceptance team typically requires applicants to have a settled status of “single” or officially “divorced” for a few months prior to beginning their journey. There may be other agencies who are not as particular about this requirement, but that should give you pause. ConceiveAbilities has been helping to build families for over twenty-five years. In that time, we have gained many valuable insights about what it takes to have a smooth journey. We know from our success that starting off from a settled position truly is worth the wait.
As a single mother you likely already have a network of support built into your life. Perhaps your parents or ex in-laws take an active role in childcare. Perhaps you have a sibling, close friends, or a network of trusted neighbors whom you have claimed as “your tribe” and help you meet the challenges of modern single parenting. It is not important what your support network looks like, but it is important that you have one you can count on.
As a single woman considering surrogacy it is worth considering the below questions prior to applying.
-Do I have appropriate childcare so that I will be able to attend required medical appointments related to my surrogacy journey?
-Can my support system reasonably cover my going out of town for 2-4 days?
-Can my support system be relied upon to step up if my doctor ordered bed rest?
-Is my employment situation appropriately flexible to accommodate this journey?
-What are my dating intentions? Can I commit to the phases of sexual abstention which will be required throughout my journey?
-Am I done building my own family?
-Who will be my support system during delivery for myself, my child(ren), etc.
If after honest reflection you have no hesitations and feel ready to become a surrogate, then it is probably the time to reach out to a surrogacy agency. They will guide you through your next steps and provide an additional support network through their programs.
At ConceiveAbilities, our Surrogate Sisterhood is a community of surrogates who have build personal connections with one another through a shared private Facebook group, monthly check-ins, regional events, and monthly group support meetings, managed by mental health professionals. This means that with ConceiveAbilities, you will not only have the expertise of staff to guide you, but the unique perspectives and experiences of women who are walking the same path as you. Surrogacy may be challenging, but you can rest assured that you’ll never have to overcome the obstacles on your own. The Sisterhood is there for you.
The calling to be a surrogate does not discriminate based on marital status, and neither does the lengthy list of support resources available to our surrogates. There are unique legal, mental health, matching and general support aspects which are also relevant to your journey as a single or divorced woman. A reputable agency will be well versed in these special considerations and entirely capable of effortlessly navigating you through them all.
ConceiveAbilities offers the benefit of in-house licensed mental health professionals who are there to guide you through every mental and emotional peak and valley along the way. In addition to ongoing counseling, we are here to advocate and support you through any curveballs you encounter. We provide multiple channels of support to assure that you feel secure and confident throughout your entire journey. It’s important to remember that going through surrogacy single is not synonymous with going through surrogacy alone.
ConceiveAbilities believes that finding the right match between a surrogate and intended parent is paramount to a successful surrogacy. Often, applicants will ask whether their status as a single or divorced woman will affect their match time.
Our matching process takes everything from communication style to desired boundaries after the birth into account to ensure that all parties’ needs are met throughout and even after the pregnancy. Your status as a single or divorced woman will be considered by our matching experts and will be a part of the comprehensive analysis used to find you the right intended parents.
We understand that you are so much more than your marital status, as do our intended parents. The majority are contemporary, open-minded people who trust us with playing a major role in helping build their families. There is a mutual understanding that we are picky with selecting gestational carriers, and our intended parents know that we would not create a match with someone who we don’t deem as an all-around wonderful human being who is fully equipped for the road ahead.
Surrogacy laws can be complicated and they can vary by state or county. Depending on which jurisdiction is relevant to your journey, your status as single or divorced may require a unique analysis. The good news is that with a reputable agency, you do not have to think twice about these factors. Your status will be fully considered and accounted for so that you are completely protected, and the agency’s legal partners seamlessly avoid all confusion and potential long term legal consequences.
You will not be the first or only single or divorced woman in our program. Our expertise is in the experience and capability to navigate any unique legalities that apply to your journey as a single surrogate.
If you feel like you are ready to give the gift of surrogacy, do not allow your “single” marital status to dissuade your decision in any way. It is important to honestly consider your existing support system to ensure they are as committed to your journey as you are, but your confidence that you are ready and have the support you need is much more essential than your status of married, single, or divorced. Once you are prepared to take the next step, working with a reputable surrogacy agency will provide a wealth of additional legal, mental health, and general support resources to ensure a smooth and successful surrogacy as a single surrogate. Some of the most wonderful surrogates we have ever worked with are single- in fact, the single ladies have created their own Facebook group for additional support. ConceiveAbilities welcomes any single or divorced women who are prepared to follow their calling to be a part of the sisterhood, and we’ll be behind you every step of the way.
All Things Conceivable is a blog dedicated to sharing the knowledge and expert opinions of the dedicated team at ConceiveAbilities, a Chicago-based egg donation and surrogacy agency.