What if I say the wrong thing? What if I ask a silly question? What do I wear? What if they don’t like me? These are the kinds of questions you may find yourself worrying about before an interview - it’s understandable. But if you’re building your family with the help of a surrogate, you may be surprised to realize you’re stressed about the exact same things going into your surrogacy match meeting. The good news? You don’t have to feel anxious. Here’s how to prepare for your surrogacy match meeting so that you can go in feeling like yourself – which is exactly what you should be.
If you’re new to surrogacy, you might not be familiar with what a match meeting is – besides, that is, another item on the list of tasks to complete and one more thing to feel nervous about. Fortunately, a match meeting is relatively straightforward; it is the opportunity to meet, either in person or virtually, your possible surrogate match and her partner, if applicable. It’s your chance to ask and answer questions about your hopes and preferences for the surrogacy journey. So while it may seem a little like an interview at the surface level, it’s more of an opportunity to see if you’re compatible – a good match. And you won’t be on your own; at ConceiveAbilities, a member of our Matching Matters team will be present to help facilitate the meeting and answer any questions that may need further clarification. Once you’ve spoken with the potential surrogate, you’ll want to regroup and decide if she’s the one. If so, congratulations! You’ve just made one of the biggest decisions in your surrogacy journey and it’s time to move on to the next step. But we’re getting a little ahead of ourselves; let’s explore a bit more about how to prepare and what to expect during your match meeting.
Believe it or not, a great deal of work goes into your potential match long before the meeting. Our proprietary matching process is designed to consider the most important factors of your match with a surrogate. We refer to this as Matching Matters®, which ultimately results in a 97% success rate on first meeting. It matches based on personality, legalities, reproductive choices, medical criteria and other specifics requested by the intended parents and the surrogate. It also takes into account aspects of the surrogacy process, including the intensive medical and psychological screening, to thoroughly vet compatibility. The result? The right match the first time, which ultimately saves you precious time and money.
As you prepare for your match meeting with a potential surrogate, you’ll first meet with a surrogate match expert. This is an opportunity to share a real life depiction of who you are. You will be asked about your family and the family you’re hoping to create, as well as some thought-provoking questions around potential medical issues and legal preferences. There will also be more sensitive questions about things like selective reduction and termination. These are questions you’ll want to read through before your meeting, and it’s important to have an honest discussion with your partner and surrogate match expert. The clearer you can be before your match is made, the smoother the journey will be.
Another aspect of preparing for your surrogate match meeting is considering the qualities of your ideal match. After all, you’ll be in each other’s lives for at least a year! At ConceiveAbilities, we encourage you to think about our four main points of criteria; this includes psychological aspects, legal considerations, values and personal preferences. Your match expert will offer suggestions about which items should be non-negotiable and which might warrant a bit more flexibility. Doing this work during your Matching Matters consult will help you prepare the appropriate questions for your surrogate. Potential questions the surrogate mother could ask will likely be similar to yours. She’ll want to know a little more about you and perhaps why you are choosing surrogacy to build your family. She may ask about your expectations of her, and your hopes for communication during the process.
You’ve probably noticed that communication is a common theme in a surrogacy match. As Nazca Fontes, the Founder and CEO, puts it, “We create matches that work across all dimensions of the surrogacy journey – from lifestyle, to health, to communication style. Our attention to detail and experience makes all the difference.” Knowing that our Matching Matters® protocol takes these crucial points into account makes your match meeting as straightforward as possible.
Better yet, it lays the foundation for shared expectations and strong communication throughout. Do you prefer regular communication through emails and text? Maybe, or perhaps contact around pivotal appointments and dates are best for you and your surrogate. Every match is different, and our goal is to respect and uphold these unique needs. Remember, you’ll also have a dedicated match manager working closely with you and your surrogate to ensure everyone stays on the same page.
What questions should you ask your match manager? Start with a breakdown of the timeline. While the process is sometimes unpredictable, it helps immensely to have a good idea of what the general time frame looks like. Understanding the expectations during each step will help you move forward with confidence. Remember, you and your surrogate have a whole team of people who are there to support you and answer questions every step of the way.
If you’re ready to find the right surrogate to help build your family, contact our team for more information.
All Things Conceivable is a blog dedicated to sharing the knowledge and expert opinions of the dedicated team at ConceiveAbilities, a Chicago-based egg donation and surrogacy agency.