Why is My IP Not as Excited as Me?

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Surrogacy can be a thrilling experience- but your intended parents may not always share the same level of excitement. As everyone prepares for the delivery of the baby, know your intended mother or father may seem pensive or concerned about other matters.

There can be a number of reasons for their reserved or unexcited behavior. From previous experiences to current concerns, intended parents have gone through a lot to get to the point of surrogacy in hopes of having a child. In this post, we’ll explore the various reasons an IP may not be as excited as a surrogate would expect.

Three reasons for your IP’s behavior

Past Experiences

Most IPs have already attempted to have a child in some way in the past. Some may have tried conceiving themselves, others have attempted alternatives such as adoption. Some may even have had failed attempts at surrogacy in the past. The appearance of being not as invested as you may stem from a self-defense mechanism in order to protect themselves from the same possible disappointment.

Stress Prevention

Intended mothers may feel a lack of control. They want information, anything that would help them feel “in the know.” Imagine giving birth, and having someone else watch your newborn baby for nine months. How would you, as the surrogate, feel? Giving birth is never easy. But waiting on someone else to give birth to your child has its own set of concerns. There may be times when your intended parent is remaining stoic to protect you from the stress he or she may be experiencing. After all, burdening a pregnant woman with additional stress can lead to premature birth or developmental problems later in the child’s life.

Financial Concerns

Your intended parents may be concerned about costs associated with the surrogacy arrangement. The sum goes towards legal fees, the surrogate’s compensation, the medicine and procedure and more, so parents may need to save money or require some financial guidance. We partner with Prosper Healthcare Lending, a flexible financing option available for all our intended parents. Still, some parents may struggle due to varying circumstances, and carry certain worries over these finances. So while we can provide psychological support, a lack of excitement may stem from financial concerns.

What you can do

Be understanding. It’s hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, but picture going through what your intended parents have gone through, or are going through right now. Understand that everyone handles stress and tragedy in their own way. Just because they aren’t smiling or asking questions doesn’t mean they’re not excited.

Offer your support. In certain situations, communicating with your intended parents is the best course. Share your own experiences, and hear out their experiences if they share them. Be careful, as sometimes the best option is to not discuss previous transfers or attempts to become pregnant. Get to know what your intended parents are like, and lend your ears if they seem willing to share.

Talk to your friends and family. Keep in mind that you have support outside of your IPs. There’s no need to fixate on how your intended parents are feeling- you have your own family and friends that are excited to see your delivery date and that are all ears if you need to talk to someone. Remember to share your goals, concerns, and stories with those close to you.

Don’t worry too much if your intended parents aren’t as excited- they’re just experiencing their own set of concerns. Hopefully, this post gives you a brief look into the side of the parents. Offer support where you can and share your excitement with those who are willing to share it, your family, friends, and even the agency that helped match you. You’ll find that everyone celebrates the gift of surrogacy in their own way.

For more info on what to expect after giving birth, read our post on it here.

Want to ensure you have a successful pregnancy? Read our guide here.

For more news and information for the surrogacy journey, check the ConceiveAbilities Blog regularly.